Daddy God,
I was told last year that I am the precious daughter of the God most high, and that I am loved and never forsaken no matter what I do. I do not have to try, I do not have to be conscious about my mistakes, I do not have to be condemned, I do not have to ask for forgiveness, because I've already been forgiven 2000 years ago by the one who truely knows what love is.
Back to reality, I never understood what love truely is. After a couple of broken hearts, I learnt to depend on God, and not to have over expectations of anything, nor in my future relationship. However, I never seemed to learn my lesson and I've always thought that to love someone, is to compromise and to be my best in meeting his every needs. I never forced myself to do that, and it was a happy thing for me to be appreciated, to be treasured, to be noticed, to be reciprocated. I thought, I am being the best gf ever, but I was wrong.
Just like any human, I began to expect. I felt upset when I wasn't returned the favor, I felt down over the smallest detail. I realized.....my life and happiness had evolved around my relationship-something, which I was trying to prevent. I was always being afraid of having my heart broken, being afraid of not having my efforts appreciated, being afraid.....that I am never good enough. What I never realised, was the fact that no matter how many mistakes I made, no matter how many regrets I had, I will always be precious and never forsaken by the ONE who made heaven and earth, the one who hung the stars in the sky, the one who laid his life down for me, and the one, who'd accept me for the way I am, and I don't even have to try, because in his eyes, I am perfect...and more than good enough.
I've never realised how blessed I am, or I tend to forget. I broke hearts of people who'd really care for me and I failed to appreciate. I gave my best to my bf, but not to the ones who truely love me and had never forsaken me all these years. They had said hurtful words to me, and a thousand times I failed, they'd still love me. Daddy, I am not complaining. I love my bf. As a person, I feel he's filal, he's hardworking, and he's a good friend, and definitely a nice person. I felt silly shedding tears for things he had forgotten to do, for sensitivity that he had forget to show, for efforts that he had no time to make, for his strayed attention, for gestures I made that were not reciprocated.
I know all these are not intentional, they are just reality of the world. Daddy, sometimes I wish I could wake up, and to learn that fairytales are just something to be dreamt about in books or movies. Just like any typical girl in this world, buying a new dress, changing your hairstyle, calling the person you care about everyday to find out what's on his mind, and what he is thinking about, and hoping he'd notice the effort you made...and to feel loved back by him the same way. Many in the world are chained by this bondage-expectations, and I am one of them.
However, I am not just any typical person in the world. Daddy, I am your daughter, one who'd be set aside from the world. I am special in your eyes always Daddy and I know you love me so much, but I've failed to love myself. By crying to you Daddy, I know as your daughter, I'm set free from this bondage I have, and to step out of the cage of low self esteem, the cage of 'never good enough', and to be free from the chains of self condemnation, and to live my life, knowing I'd always be more than just 'good enough'.
Abba Father, I thank you that you come running to me when I cried for you, I thank you for loving me, forgiving me and never forsaking me. I thank you for placing wonderful people, family and friends around me, I thank you for all the blessings in my life that I've never counted. I thank you...for not forgetting me, and I thank you for the way you made me, that no matter how many times I'm broken, I'd never feel hopeless.
I know that lately things have been so hard,
And looking out through my broken heart,
All I can see is dark and lonely days ahead,
But I remember Jesus said..
He knows every star in the sky
Every single tear that I cried
His love is here, faithful and alive
I know that this world can be cold,
In his arms I am never alone,
That's his promise to you and I
When hope had disappeared and my heart aches,
I might not recognise the touch of faith
But on the other side of every dying dream
His love is waiting patiently.
He knows every star in the sky
Every single tear that I cried
His love is here, faithful and alive
I know that this world can be cold,
In his arms I am never alone,
That's his promise to you and I
With every angel, there's a love that never leaves my side
His love is greater than the ocean or the mountain high
I gotta know, there's a hope in my heart
And If I listen with my heart I know I'd hear him say:
'You are my child and I am with you each and every day'
Thank you for your love Lord Jesus.
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